


The Waiting Room

by BrieflyMaximumPrincess



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Blow Jobs, Crisis of Faith, Family Drama, Hospitals, M/M, Minor Gabriel/Kali (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-17
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-18 14:18:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12389802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrieflyMaximumPrincess/pseuds/BrieflyMaximumPrincess
Summary: It promises to be Sam’s worst night ever. A little earlier that day, he received a phone call saying Dean had an accident and Sam needed to come immediately to the hospital. Now that he is there, Sam is made waiting in a room without any information while doctors try to save Dean’s life. To add to the nightmare, the only other person present seems to be the guy who crashed into his car on his way to the hospital.[arts by wearemykingdom]





	1. Denial

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to my dream team of beta readers @YouCantKeepMeDown and @bleedingsalt
> 
> The awesome arts are from @wearemykingdom
> 
> This work is for the 2017 samifer Big Bang.

“We’re taking him to Charity’s Hospital.”

Those words were spinning in Sam’s brain. An accident had happened. Sam didn’t understand what exactly and the medic he had on the phone didn’t explain clearly enough. Not that it mattered, because the only thing Sam understood were those seven words. They were taking Dean to the ER. Sam was trying really hard to not think further than that. It was beyond scary, because it meant Dean was injured but it also meant that it was bad enough that Dean couldn’t say himself to his brother that he didn’t have to worry. No, someone else called him on the road, from the ambulance to say there had been an accident.

There had been an accident and Dean was injured and Dean couldn't get on the phone to say it to Sam himself.

Someone called for Dean because it was serious. Because Dean was not able to talk. Because Dean was injured… Badly.

The thought was spinning in Sam’s brain over and over, becoming worse every time Sam repeated it.

No. Sam couldn’t allow himself to think like that. Dean couldn’t be injured. He was not allowed to not be healthy and unable to take the damn phone to tell Sam, his only living family left, that he was alright. Dean was not allowed to do that. Dean had to be alright. He had to… Or Sam would be lost without him. He was all Sam had left. He could not be not alright. He had to be alive and kicking, like they said in the song. Alive.

Dean had to be alive. He had no other choice.

Tears blurred Sam’s vision. He wiped them away and sniveled. Focus. Sam had to focus on the road to Charity’s Hospital and stop thinking. He cursed his brain to not be able to just shut up for once. He turned the radio on and forced the volume at the top. If only it could silence what his brain was saying. If only Sam could listen to the lyrics and stop thinking. He turned the radio back off. It did nothing but to annoy him anyway and Sam had to put his thoughts back in order.

A big car cut his way on the left. Sam turned the wheel all the way to the right and smashed the brakes. Metal cringed. Sam managed to stop the car before he ran over the sidewalk. People screamed and jumped out of their way. 

“Balls!”

It came out of his mouth in a raging scream Sam couldn’t hold back. He usually never said it. But this? This was just too much for today. Perfect. A road accident, now. As if he had time to spare, for God’s sake.

Sam looked at the other car and saw the driver hit the wheel with anger. Asshole. Sam had no time for this and now he had to deal with a bastard who wrecked his car. He opened his car door and it hit the other car in the process. Sam saw the man turn his head in his direction at the sound and heard him curse rudely. It got better every second, the guy looked pissed and Sam had the feeling it wouldn’t end good. But it was definitely not the day and if that punk wanted war, Sam was ready to fall on him like the plague. Sam defied him with a glare, daring him to say just one wrong word. Just one.

The other man got out of his car and took a turn around the back, looking at the damages. It wasn’t pretty. Sam’s left doors and hood side were completely scratched and battered. The other car’s right headlight was missing and the hood was wrecked where it hit Sam’s car. Not that it changed a lot on the ratted car. No wonder the dude didn’t pay attention, his car was a real rolling trashcan. Sam wondered how it could still work. It was a danger to just put it on the road. And of course, he chose to hit Sam’s car between all, not the one before him, not the one after him. No, it had to be Sam’s. Today.

“Thank you Universe, and fuck you too” Sam thought out loud.  
“Yeah, pretty much.” The other driver said.  
“Listen, I am in a big hurry, can we make it quick?” Sam asked with no big hope.  
“If you didn’t ignore the stop sign, we wouldn’t be here. So try to make at least a little effort here.”

The stop sign? What stop sign? This guy drove like the asshole he was and wanted to put the fault on Sam’s back. Oh no, not today. He had definitely chosen the wrong timing for this. Usually, Sam would have been conciliate and would have wanted to make the things right and be arranging, but today? Today, this little shit could take his ratted car and shove it up his ass.

Their tone escalated quickly and before Sam realised it, they shared some colorful insults and people were stopping what they were doing to look at them. The bastard made a straight line to his car door and for a moment Sam thought he was gonna take a baseball bat or some other things shitty people like him saved in their car for when they intend to pick up a fight. But instead, the guy came back with a flyer for whatever indie and unknown rock band on which he wrote something that he dropped by Sam’s opened door to the driver seat.

“That’s my number, shithead. Call me when you’ll be less dumb, if you can be. I have no time for your bullshit right now.”

Before Sam could do anything else than try to find the note, the guy had returned to his car, ignited it and left, scratching Sam’s car a little more in the process of course. When Sam found the note, it read an actual phone number with the letter “L” and nothing more. He thought it would have some more insults on it, but the guy actually had given him a phone number. The question to know if it was his real phone number or a fake one was still an easy guess though. Sam asked the witnesses if one of them memorized the car’s plate. People jumped a little at the tone he used to speak but a man gave it to him eventually. Sam wrote it down on the other side of the paper the stranger had thrown into his car and went back behind the wheel. He turned the key and drove away.

He had no time for this. Dean was waiting for him, he needed him by his side. He had to be in Charity’s Hospital as fast as he could. He had no time to lose on a freaking accident along the way. It was a question of life or death. Dean couldn’t even talk to him on the phone. That meant Dean was not conscious, because if he had been, he would have told him not to worry. He would have lied to Sam, saying it was nothing.

“Please, Dean, be alive. Please, please, please.” Sam prayed.


	2. Anger

Sam arrived at the hospital’s parking lot, parked his car skew over two places and ran to the admission desk. He slammed against the counter as he tried to stop in front of it, but was took by his momentum. He was supposed to take a ticket and wait in line but all of this was bullshit. He may have asked louder and ruder than he should have but the woman told him where he was supposed to go and showed him the elevators with her hand. Sam ran to them, slammed the call button multiple times until the doors opened and cursed the elevators for their slowness. Damnit, lives were on the line here, how could the elevators be so slow? It was killing him. 

NO! 

Sam forbade himself to even think those kind of words until Dean would be in front of him, on his own two feet and with a smile on his face saying he was alright. He could not allow himself to have negative thoughts, in case it would make it worse. 

There was another desk with another woman behind it and she told him to wait. Wait? What the hell? How could she tell him that? Sam was not proud of himself but he screamed at her. The woman lifted her eyes to him and answered in a calm, yet firm voice, that he had to sit and wait because she was not a doctor nor a medium and if he wanted information, he had to wait for a doctor, because Dean was in surgery and if he screamed at her ever again she would call the security and Sam would have to still wait but outside the building this time. When she asked him if she had been clear, Sam wanted to hit her. But what good could have it done? He gave her a murder glare and walked to the first seat he found. He sat there and waited.

Waited, waited and waited again.

Sam looked at his watch every five minutes and each time it was like dying a little because the hours had slowed down so bad, he must not have been the only one to remark it, was he? People were walking back and forth in the corridor but nobody was stopping to tell him what was going on and Sam was slowly losing his sanity. 

That’s why, when the guy who wrecked his car arrived and sat down in front of him, he thought he was hallucinating at first. It couldn’t be him. Sam searched his memory to try to picture the man’s face in his mind. Yes, he definitely looked like him. Same hair, same clothes, same body shape, same height. He had walked into the waiting room Sam was in, put a dollar in the vending machine for a coffee and sat without taking it. Without even checking if he was alone or not, he dropped to put his elbows on his legs and put his face in his hands, scratched his eyes and froze in this position. Then he exhaled loudly, fingers pressed on his eyelids.

Sam leaned back in his chair, expanded his long legs and put his arms on the back seats of the next chairs like he was at ease here. Body language was essential. If this asshole wanted to play the stalker in addition to wreck Sam’s car, he had found the right man to play with because, once was not a habit, Sam would have loved to pick a fight. It might do well on his nerves now. He needed to let off some steam.

But the other man didn’t move, he was perfectly still. Painfully still. Sam couldn’t even hear his breathing. Had the time finally decided to stop? What the fuck was this day?

Sam wanted to say something. He was sure it was the right man and they couldn’t stay like that in the same room ignoring each other. It was ridiculous and it was getting on his nerves. Sam remembered, the man had given him his phone number. Or at least a phone number. Time to check if he had been honest or to call him on his bullshit. It was a way like another to start the hostilities after all, and kickstart that fight they were destined to accomplish at one point obviously. Sam took his phone and the note out of his jacket’s pocket and dialed the number. He put the phone to his ear and waited.

To his big surprise, a ringtone came out of the man’s leather jacket.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, what now?” 

The man took it out of his pocket. Sam thought, it could be a coincidence, so he waited again for him to take the call to confirm it but the man refused the call with a press of his finger. Sam redialed the number again and the phone rang once more. No more doubt, it was him and it was his real phone number.

  
_credit :[wearemykingdom](http://wearemykingdom.tumblr.com/post/166492870679/i-work-hard-on-these-two-thank-to)_

“You know cell phones are forbidden in hospitals.” Was all Sam thought about when the man’s eyes lifted to him as he was checking who was calling him.  
“Are you fucking kidding me? Is that you that anonymous call?” The man asked, showing the screen of his phone on which Sam read his own phone number.  
“Yeah.”  
“Did you follow me all the way to here? Because, I swear, it’s the worst day of my life and I have no patience for your bullshit, man.”

Sam realized he was not lying. The guy he had an accident with earlier was with him, in the same waiting room, in the same hospital and with the same worried expression on his face that must be on Sam’s face too, but to see another patient, not to annoy Sam. What were the odds?

“No, I didn’t follow you. My brother was admitted here and nobody wants to tell me anything.” Sam answered, the last words loud enough to be heard from the woman on the front desk.

The man looked at him, face completely expressionless before he declared: “This is going to be a very long night.”

“What are you here for?” Sam dared to ask. He had nothing to do and he knew already that he had to be here for the same reasons he was more or less. Why keep up the apparences? This man also had someone close to him brought here. It was no mystery, so Sam could as well asked. He wasn’t sure he get an answer though. He was surprised to have one.  
“She had a stroke. They transported her here. She didn’t wake up since she fell.”  
“Who is she?” Sam asked. 

A wife? A girlfriend? A mother? A daughter? A sister? A friend? She could have been anybody. The man tilted his head a little on the right like he hesitated and finally answered it was none of Sam’s business. It was fair. The man looked even more awful if it was possible. Sam stood up, went to the vending machine, took the forgotten paper cup and gave it to him.

“It’s getting cold. I’m Sam, by the way.”

The guy looked at him from below like Sam was some sort of alien or something. He accepted the cup, a little distrustful of what Sam wanted but introduced himself anyway.

“Lucifer.”  
“I try to be responsible here, alright? I try to make the situation better. And you’re an asshole, you know that?” Sam flared up. 

Who was he thinking he was? Sam took pity on his shity face for one second, blessed his too kind heart, and how was he rewarded? He should have stick to the original plan and hit him in his stupid face.

“I don’t need that right now. That’s my fucking real name, I didn’t choose it and I don’t care if you don’t like it. Deal with it or go die elsewhere, it won’t change my life.” The guy answered with an equal angry voice.  
“Oh. That’s unusual.” Sam said as he understood the poor bastard was really named after the Devil.  
“Go fuck yourself.”

At this moment, a doctor wearing a green smock, came to them and the two of them jumped as one man in hope he came to bring good news.

“Mr. Winchester?”  
“That’s me.” Sam almost yelled as Lucifer fell back on his seat.  
“I am doctor…”

Whatever his name was, Sam couldn’t focus on it. He should have, because it certainly would be useful in the hours to come. But all he was able to listen too was the not enough explanation of what happened. Dean had a problem at work. Something went wrong, it was not very clear but he was crushed under a car and there had been some electric shock. They were not sure. Sam would have given everything in the world for the doctor to stop saying it. He wanted something definite what “may” happened wasn’t important. What Sam wanted, was to know what injured Dean exactly and how he was now. But the doctor refused to answer that question clearly. He pressed Sam to answer a serie of questions instead. What was Dean’s blood type? Did he have surgeries before? Was there a medical condition history in the the family? Did Dean have an insurance? Sam couldn’t answer half of the questions. He was feeling so useless. The doctor’s pager beeped on his belt and he practically ran away under Sam’s eyes. Sam made his best to not acknowledge that if he was called to an emergency, it was because of Dean. There were a lot of other patients in this hospital, right? If the doctor was running through the corridor toward doors that read “forbidden” for the non medical people, it couldn’t be for Dean because Dean was alright. He didn’t need doctors to run for him. He wasn’t allowed to need it.

Sam stayed here, up in the middle of the waiting room, violently shaking from head to toe. He lifted a hand to his mouth and pressed his fingers against his teeth, not biting them, just pressing them to feel something and persuade himself he was not having a nightmare. His hand felt like ice on his lips.

Some hands pressed softly on his shoulders and guided him back to a seat. Sam let himself be manhandled and sat. Then, they were gone from him and he missed them immediately. Without their touch, it was like falling, even if his body was sat on a chair. He heard the vending machine pour liquid into a cup and then smelled coffee just under his nose. His eyes focused, he didn’t realized he was seeing nothing but blur since the doctor went hurriedly away. At first, all he saw was blue. Blue eyes looking at him. Then, they were part of a face. Lucifer was looking at him in silence, holding up a paper cup of coffee for him. He was squat in front of him, like a cat perched on something, perfectly still, waiting for Sam to take the cup he was offering.

Sam did it more by automatism than free will, and sipped on it. It tasted bad, it had no sugar at all in it.

“It’s gonna be alright. Your brother is gonna live.” A soft voice came from the lips of the guy Sam wanted to hit a moment before.  
“How can you know?” Sam asked, horrified by how his own voice sounded.  
“I don’t know. But you need to hear it.”

Tears fell from Sam’s eyes as he closed them.


	3. Isolation

Hours went by before one of them talked again, or it was how it felt. Someone came, a man, not a doctor, and talked to Lucifer, ignoring Sam who was looking at the last drop of coffee in his paper cup swirl at the bottom of it.

“You’re here. I searched for you everywhere.”  
“I told you, I was going for a coffee. Is she awake?”  
“Follow me.”

They walked away and Sam was left alone. He thought it wouldn’t change anything for him, but he felt lonely after that. Lucifer and he didn’t talk but having someone else nearby happened to be helpful. Grounding. Sam realized it only when Lucifer was gone. He didn’t know him and he was not sure he wanted to, but somehow he seemed to be as miserable as Sam and it helped to see he was not the only one worrying, even if it was not for the same person. Sam felt alone now, in addition to his worries for Dean and he missed the silent but solid company somehow.

He didn’t feel angry anymore, he didn’t want to fight with someone anymore. The need had faded away. Sam felt just worried and anxious now. And tired. He was so tired, he wasn’t sure his legs could hold him all the way to his car right now if he needed to go there.

Lucifer came back after a long moment. He walked furiously straight to the vending machine, kicked and punched it pretty badly. Sam jumped. Then, he saw Lucifer shake his hand to help the pain go away in it. They exchanged a glare, Lucifer sat down, putting two empty seats between them. Lucifer’s upper lip was split, his mouth was bleeding a little. Sam searched his pockets and found a pack of tissues he gave to him.

“Here. Take that.”  
“Thanks.” Lucifer said, taking them and wiping blood from his chin.  
“Is she awake?” Sam asked, not knowing who he was referring to.  
“She was. And then they had to sedate her so she can stand the pain. She sleeps now. They are running tests because they are not sure what she has.”

Sam and Lucifer fell silent for a moment, but it was worse to wait like that, without talking. Sam had to fill the void.

“What happened to your lips?”  
“Kali slapped me. My brother loves his wife too much and covers her in jewels. Her ring met a tooth.”  
“Ah. You’re alright?”  
“Yeah, I probably deserved it. We’re all worried and she is under a lot of pressure. I lack of finesse sometime when I talk and not everybody can bear the naked truth.”  
“What did you say to annoy her?”  
“I said they better test me than my brother and they were losing precious time for nothing.”  
“I don’t follow you.” Sam admitted.  
“It’s a little complicated.”  
“I have nothing better to do.”

Their eyes met and Sam thought Lucifer would talk again and explain but he didn’t. Lucifer nipped at his bruised lips and spat blood on a tissue. Sam stood up and put some coins in the vending machine. A bottle of soda fell, making a flat sound of metal. Sam felt its coldness on his fingers and gave it to Lucifer.

“No thanks, I’m not thirsty.”  
“Let me repay you for the coffee you gave me earlier. It was a great help somehow. And it’s not for you to drink, it’s to put on your lips to help it stop bleeding.”

Lucifer accepted it and put it on his swollen lips.

“Tell me seeing blood won’t make you sick.” Lucifer told him.  
“No, don’t worry about that.”  
“You have news from your brother?”  
“Not yet.” Sam sighed.  
“You know there was a stop, don’t you?”

Sam had to think a moment before he knew what Lucifer was talking about.

“Honestly? I don’t care.” He answered.  
“Me neither. I just wish that night was over. I’m not known for my patience and the waiting is killing me.”  
“Me too.”

They fell silent again for a minute before Lucifer asked Sam for the time.

“Time to buy a clock I suppose. Sorry, it was childish.”  
“It doesn’t matter. I have a phone, I could have looked at it if I really wanted to know what time it is.”  
“So, why did you ask?” Sam wondered.  
“To hear your voice. It’s completely blank in my brain right now and it scares me.”  
“It’s the exact opposite for me. I wish I could stop thinking.”  
“What happened to your brother? Why is he here?”  
“I don’t have a fucking clue. Nobody is telling me anything. Some accident at work, I suppose. I don’t even know for sure. He is a mechanic.”

The same man from earlier arrived and talked to Lucifer with a voice so harsh it echoed on the walls.

“For the love of God, where have you been, Lucifer? They want to run tests on you. Come on. NOW!”

Lucifer followed him and Sam was left alone once again. He wanted something to focus on. Anything would have done, but there was not even a magazine in the waiting room. Sam went to the front desk but there was nobody. The corridors were empty now and outside the night had fallen. The windows were completely black and reflected his own image. Sam cursed himself to not have a book on him. It would have been so useful to force his brain to focus on reading. He may not have understood what, but at least he could have screamed a text in his head to silence his anxiety. He thought for a minute to go to the hospital entrance. There was a little shop there where he could find some books or magazines to ease his boredom. He had passed by it when he arrived. Maybe grab something to eat. But the shop was most likely closed at this hour and he feared someone would come and search for him in the time he would be away. He couldn’t allow himself to not be there when the doctor would come back with fresh updates on his brother’s health.

Why was nobody coming to keep him posted on what was happening to Dean?

Lucifer came back sooner than Sam would have thought.

“The smell of betadine is making me sick. It brings back bad memories.” He said as he opened the bottle of soda he had left behind at the feet of the chair he was seated on earlier. He took a big gulp.  
“What did they do to you?”  
“They just took some blood samples to see if it matches. Some test results came back and they may know what’s wrong with her now. They want to poke me with a needle in the spinal cord if my tests say we’re compatible. If not, they’ll have to find a donor and apparently it can take days.”  
“That’s scary. What did you tell them?”  
“About what?” Lucifer asked.  
“About the needle in your spine.”  
“That they could do it now if they wanted, of course.”  
“You really love her to not have a second thought on that, don’t you? You’re not even a little bit scared? If they touch your spinal cord the wrong way, you could stay paralyzed.” Sam didn’t mean to sound that much of a dick but he couldn’t take back what he just said.  
“They do it all day long. They’re well trained.”  
“You could die.”  
“She will if I don’t do it.”

Lucifer looked at Sam for a moment and then took his wallet out of his pocket. He opened it and handed a photography to Sam. It was crooked on the corner. “Like a picture that follows you everywhere around in a wallet” Sam thought uselessly. On the picture was a girl, something like twelve years old, maybe a little less. Sam was not a good judge on kid’s age. She had a beautiful chocolate skin, long dark hair and bright blue eyes.

“It’s Hel.”  
“She has your eyes.” Sam surprised himself saying without checking Lucifer’s eyes. He just knew they were blue. “But I’m a little lost. I thought you said it was your sister’s in law’s daughter. I must have confused. I guess, I’m not listening. Sorry. I’m not really paying attention tonight, my mind is elsewhere.”

Sam apologized giving the photo back to Lucifer.

“You really want that story, don’t you?”  
“Anything that could help me think of something else would be great actually. Anything that could make me forget for a moment that Dean has been on a surgery table for hours now.”

Lucifer sighed and looked at the wall, right in front of him.

“Hel is my daughter but I’m not her father.”  
“Yeah, like that. It’s perfect. The more complicated, the better.” Sam commented humorlessly.

Lucifer gave him a humorless grin. Something that looked more carnivorous than friendly.

“My brother and I, we were always very close since our childhood.”  
“The one who screams at you?” Sam asked.  
“Yes, it’s Gabriel. And I can swear to you that he is usually the merriest guy you could imagine. But tonight…”  
“Tonight sucks for everyone.” Sam finished the sentence.  
“So, we’ve always been close. I don’t know the link you have with your brother but judging by your face right now, I bet you can understand if I say Gabriel is more than my brother, he is my best friend… Well, was at this time.”

Sam understood more than right. Dean was his whole family. He had taken care of him, raised him, made sure he didn’t need anything. All Sam had now, was thanks to Dean.

“Gabriel married Kali years ago. Match made in Heaven. A pure goddess. And my little brother? He deserves nothing less than that. They were happy. There was only one thing missing for  the perfect picture.”  
“A child.” Sam said knowing where Lucifer wanted to bring his story.  
“Exactly. I knew you were smart, Sam.”  
“But I don’t really know where you fit in the frame here.” Sam admitted.  
“Gabriel can’t have children. So he asked me to make one with his wife.”

Sam’s train of thoughts derailed horribly wrong. He must have misunderstood him. He looked at Lucifer and this one nodded to confirm. Yes, Sam had heard right.

“Oh and it doesn’t stop here.” Lucifer said.  
“It’s tricky already.”  
“Do you have any idea how much an in vitro fertilization costs?”

Sam shook his head.

“Much more than what we could put into it. So we did it the old fashion way, Kali and I.”  
“This is fucked up. Sorry, I’m not judging. It’s none of my business, but making a baby with your sister in law on your brother’s demand? Why did you agree to something so doomed to backfire in your face?”  
“Because it was my only chance to ever make a child.” Lucifer answered with a blank voice.  
“How so?” Sam asked.

Lucifer threw him a nasty look and Sam understood. Lucifer would never make a child because he would never have a wife to make one with him. Sam didn’t comment and just listened.

“It took us three times to make it work. Three months we had to… Do it. You want me to tell you? The first time, I couldn’t. Kali is a stunning looking woman, but I just couldn’t get it up. I managed eventually. It’s mechanic after all, you know. The second time, it was just as weird, minus the technical problem. And the third time was a charm.” Lucifer joked humorless.  
“I guess the end justifies the means.” Sam offered kindly, a little uncomfortable with the details he didn’t ask for.  
“I never said that to anybody, but now I wish it didn’t work this time. Not that I changed my mind or anything. Hel is the most adorable kid on Earth. But that time was just wrong.”  
“Why?” Sam asked not sure he wanted to know more.  
“Because that time, Kali and I drank too much. It helped to put the weirdness aside. We were more relaxed, and it went more naturally. The thing is, it felt good. And not just for me, she enjoyed it too. She stayed the night. She didn’t stay the two times before. Naturally, we explained why to Gabriel. That we drank too much and then we fell asleep. And it was true... We had a second round too in the middle of the night. We told him too.”  
“And you feel guilty.”  
“Yes, because the alcohol effects were not as strong that time and it was still good. It felt like cheating, even if Gabriel agreed.”  
“Thanks God, it worked, so it doesn’t matter after all, I guess.” Sam tried to ease the end.  
“But it matters.” Lucifer nodded, still looking at the wall stubbornly.  
“You have feelings for Kali?” Sam dared to ask.

Lucifer snorted and turned to look at him.

“She is a nice lady and I like her as my sister in law, but apart from that, absolutely not.” Lucifer assured. Sam trusted him. It was obvious in his eyes that he wasn’t lying.  
“So, why does it matters if the baby was conceived from that night? It’s in the past, it’s history now. What is important is that you have a daughter.”  
“I don’t have a daughter. I have a niece. My brother is her father. Me, I am nothing. And you can say what you want, and you are right, it should not be important, but since that night, something had been different between Gabriel and I. He doesn’t say it and I act like I don’t see it, but it has never been the same.”  
“Don’t you think it was inevitable? You made a baby with his wife.”  
“It was the plan all along. I didn’t steal his wife and I never asked anything more than I should have for Hel. On the papers, I don’t even exist for her. I’m just her uncle, Gabriel is her lawful father. She never knew I played a part in her conception and it’s not fucking fair that I have nothing to say to that and that I have to wait here like a vulgar nobody, because that’s what I am, when I could have helped her more if I had at least been declared as her biological father when she was born, for God’s sake!”

For just a second, Sam forgot about Dean and suffered with Lucifer. They were totally useless. They could do nothing but sit here and wait. Wait for the important people, who knew what they were doing, act when they didn’t know how to react to what was happening during that hell of a night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note: in Norse mythology, Hel is a goddess of the dead and a daughter of Loki.


	4. Depression

A nurse came and talked directly to Lucifer. She told him the results were good and they were preparing the operation as soon as they could. But there was something about the anesthetist who was not able to be there for the moment. 

Sam swore her eyes turned to him for a split second. If they couldn’t take Lucifer and his daughter to the operation room right now, it was because they needed a doctor who was busy with Dean’s case. Sam had no doubt about that. And Lucifer understood it too. They had to wait because of Sam’s brother. The nurse said they called for another doctor to come so they could proceed faster. Did that mean that they were long from being done with Dean? What were they doing to him?

She gave Lucifer some instructions and he nodded. He said he should go talk to his brother and sister in law but the nurse informed him they were with their daughter and he should give them some space to be in family before the girl entered a surgery that heavy for her. Lucifer gave her a look that could have murdered her and sat back in his seat. He crossed his arms on his chest and locked himself in his thoughts.

Sam held back the nurse and asked if she had news for him. She shook her head with the apologetic ghost of a smile on her lips and went away. 

Sam looked at Lucifer. He was holding his phone. He had dialed a number but didn’t press the ok button.

“Who are you calling? It’s the middle of the night.” Sam reminded him.  
“I still know his number by heart.” 

Sam looked at the numbers on the screen as if they could have told him who Lucifer was talking about. “A boyfriend?” He asked.

“My ex. Michael. God, I nearly died when he left me. It was five years ago and look at me. I don’t even love him anymore. I don’t want to kill him anymore for what he did to me. And yet it’s his number I dialed. Usually, when I’m in a bad place like that, I would call Gabriel. But today… He hates me and I don’t know who to turn to. I have nobody left around who matters enough that I can call them in the middle of the night when I feel low. I’m pathetic.”  
“No, Lucifer, you’re not. It’s just a stressful night for everybody. For your brother, for you. You’ll see, tomorrow will be different. I promise, when the sun will rise, you’ll see things in a new light too. Nights are the worst for that.” Sam tried to calm him.  
“It’s a promise or a lie?” Lucifer asked, his blue eyes locking with Sam’s. 

Sam didn’t have the heart to lie to him openly. He didn’t know what the next day would bring for him. Bad news, good news? Sam was not strong enough that night to make him believe it was that simple to have hope.

So he took the phone from Lucifer’s hands instead of answering his ask. He erased the phone number Lucifer had put on it and searched for his calls history. There, amongst the others numbers and names, Sam found the one he was searching for. A number without a name to go with. A number that was his own but felt foreign and lost between names of people he didn’t know. Sam selected it and saved it with his name in Lucifer’s phone.

“When you need someone, in cases like tonight. Try this one.” He said as he gave Lucifer’s phone back to him. Lucifer  confirmed the call and Sam’s phone buzzed in his pocket.

Lucifer made a sound midway between a laugh and a tear before he reminded Sam “phones are not allowed in hospitals.”

“There is nobody here. They all left and forgot about us anyway. I won’t tell if you don’t tell either. It will be our secret.”

Lucifer mouthed an agreement but no sound came out of his lips. He stood up and walked away in search for the restroom, in hope Sam wouldn’t see him right now. He needed some time alone and some fresh water to splash on his face. Maybe just a moment to let go without a witness. Sam didn’t miss the “thank you” he whispered to the empty corridor though, his back turned to the waiting room.

“You know, if she dies, Gabriel will never forgive me and I’m gonna lose the only people I have left.”

Sam watched him walk away and fought the urge to go find him and not leave him alone, even for just a minute.


	5. Panic

“What are you thinking off?” Lucifer asked.  
“I try to persuade myself Dean is not dying. Maybe they forgot about me and he is in a chamber now, peacefully sleeping somewhere. I lie to myself.” Sam resumed the storm in his head.  
“Does it work?”  
“Not at all. You?”  
“I think it’s been half an hour now that I repeat the same song lyrics in my head. It’s a loop, like if I was stuck on them and what is supposed to follow can’t come.”  
“What are you singing?” Sam asked.  
“Waterloo, Couldn't escape if I wanted to  
Waterloo, Knowing my fate is to be with you  
Wawawawa Waterloo  
Finally facing my Waterloo houhouhou”. Lucifer sang.

His voice died and the silence seemed more dense after that. Slowly, like Sam’s neck was rigid from not having moved in a thousand years, he looked at him. Lucifer gave his look back with a complete blank expression. He seemed to wait for Sam’s reaction to know if it was alright or not. Sam’s lips twitched, holding back a smile. They burst in laughter.

“Did you just sing Abba?”  
“I’m sorry. I have no excuse. I’m a monster. This is the worst night of my life and you are worried for your brother and I’m here singing seventies shit.”

Sam couldn’t stop laughing. It was past four in the morning and he was losing his nerves or his sanity, he wasn’t really sure which, but Lucifer was here with him, laughing nervously too for a stupid reason and Sam was thankful for it.

They had calmed down eventually when the doctor finally came back after hours of Sam waiting. Sam saw him arrive from the other end of the corridor and he was not rushing. The doctor looked tired. It was not a good sign. Sam’s fears rushed back, he jumped on his feet and walked to meet the doctor, to help him close the distance between them faster. Lucifer stayed back in the waiting room. From where he was he couldn’t hear what the doctor was saying but Sam wanted him to. Because if he could have listened to it, he could have said to Sam it was all lies. It couldn’t be real. Sam’s ears were mistaken, his brain didn’t understand words right anymore, it couldn’t mean what the doctor was saying. No. Sam refused. It was not possible. 

The doctor patted Sam on the shoulder and Sam walked back to the waiting room like his legs were walking on their own but his head had crashed and didn’t answer anymore. He felt like surrounded in cotton. His ears could listen to sounds but they made no sense at all. His feet were touching the floor but it felt unreal, as if he was in a dream. Lucifer stood up when he saw Sam was walking back in his direction, he dropped a paper cup and coffee spilled all over the floor. Sam pointed at it, he knew he should have said something. It was not nice to get the floor all dirty like that. 

Lucifer ran towards him and held out his arms to Sam. The moment his fingers touched him was all the signal Sam’s body waited for and  his legs gave out. Sam fell, barely held up by Lucifer. They sat on the floor. Sam saw Lucifer make a move and call to someone over his shoulder. The doctor maybe. Sam didn’t know anymore.

“What’s going on Sam? Hey, talk to me. Is it Dean? Sam.”

Lucifer was calling him but he was talking too fast, Sam’s brain couldn’t keep up. A lament came from Sam’s throat. He didn’t recognize his own voice. Lucifer guided Sam’s head on his shoulder and rocked him back and forth, repeating the same words over and over.

“Breathe, breathe. Sam, breathe.”

Sam registered Lucifer talked to somebody else but didn’t understand a single word. Then, hands tried to take him away from Lucifer’s arms but he refused to let go of the only anchor he had at this moment. He clinged to Lucifer with more strength and maybe even shout for the other people to let him stay exactly where he was and to go away from him. He supposed the doctor finally understood and left him to Lucifer’s care because after a moment, the two of them were the only ones remaining on that corridor. All other lives had disappeared once more. They were alone again.

When Sam was able to calm down, he talked.

“He is not dead.”  
“I know. The doctor told me when you fell .”  
“He is not in surgery anymore. He had a cardiac arrest. They don’t know if he will ever wake up.”  
“Breathe, Sam.”

Sam wanted to but he couldn’t. All the air that filled his lungs with the big gulps he took were useless. And he was feeling hot. So hot, his hair was damp and stuck to his neck. He tried to break free from Lucifer’s arms. He couldn’t breathe, he needed air.

“Let me go.” He commanded.

At first Lucifer continued to hold him, so Sam fought and managed to stand on his feet. Lucifer was still just next to him, holding his hands in the air so Sam could see them.

“Alright, alright. There you go. See? It’s okay. I don’t touch you if you don’t want me to. See?”

But it was worse. Now that Sam wasn’t on the floor supported by him, he felt like he was falling again. Sam stood still and tried to make the floor stop spinning, breathing hard.

“Sam? I would be very relieved if you’d agree to take a seat. Please?” Lucifer said. “You’re shaking badly and it’s okay if you don’t want me to touch you, but I fear that you will fall and I don’t want you to get injured. Could you sit?”  
“Hold me!” Sam ordered screaming.

  
_credit :[wearemykingdom](http://wearemykingdom.tumblr.com/post/166492870679/i-work-hard-on-these-two-thank-to)_

The second the words came out of his mouth, Lucifer was on him, his arms snaked around Sam and he felt better already. Lucifer was talking to him softly, only variations of the same sentence: “I’m here, Sam. It’s alright.” After a moment, Sam consented to walk and let himself be brought to the waiting room. He hated that room. He couldn’t bear to stay in here any longer. When he said so, Lucifer made him walk again, almost carrying him, to go somewhere else. Maybe not far, but still not the waiting room anymore. Sam was thankful for that.

He would never know how long they stayed like that, seated on the floor, their backs against the wall. But Sam’s breathing calmed down eventually. And after another long moment he was able to think straight again.

“How are you feeling, Sam?”  
“I feel nothing.”  
“It’s gonna be alright. You’re in shock. But it’s gonna be alright. Your brother is safe. Dean is not dead.”  
“Dean is not dead.” Sam repeated like the truth could finally sink in.  
“No, he is alive.” Lucifer assured him.  
“Can I see him?”  
“I don’t know. Do you want to see him?”  
“Yes. Now.”  
“Okay, so we’re going to ask for it. The doctor said a nurse was supposed to stay not far in case you needed help.”

They found someone and a nurse led them through the maze of corridors. The light was too bright with the white walls and the black of the night outside. Sam was not allowed to go further but from where he was, still holding Lucifer’s hand like an anchor, he could see Dean. Through the glass of the doors he could see him connected to several machines that beeped at regular intervals. His brother’s skin was pale but Sam could see his chest moving subtly if he watched closely. This was good, Sam decided. After the long wait, he could finally see him and Dean was sleeping. A doctor saw them and came from the room Dean was in. The glass doors opened by themselves at his approach, and for the time lapse they were open it was like Sam was in the same room as Dean.

“You’re his brother?” The doctor asked. Sam nodded. “Given the circumstances, your brother is holding up good.  He is reacting well since he left surgery. We have to wait and see if it will get better or worse over night, but for now he is stable. We’re keeping an eye on him but we are confident. He is doing well so far.” The doctor informed him.  
“You heard that, Sam?” Lucifer asked.  
“Thank you doctor. We’re gonna wait somewhere.”  
“There is a waiting room here.” The doctor indicated them.

And here they were in a waiting room again. Sam saw Lucifer send a text to say to his brother where he was in case they needed him. After all, now that Dean was out of the operation room, the doctor he was waiting for would be ready for him soon. 

“You can go, if you want.” Sam told him.  
“Pfff. No way I let you alone now.” Lucifer huffed.  
“You want to do something for me?” Sam asked.  
“What do you need, Sam?”  
“Hit me. I need to feel something.”  
“Sam, you…”  
“I need to feel that I’m still alive.” Sam cut him.

Lucifer analysed him for a moment, scrutinized him.

“Hit me.” Sam practically begged again.  
“Alright.”

Sam closed his eyelids and waited for the pain to remind him he had survived that hell, but instead of it, Lucifer took his hand in his once again and stood up. Sam opened his eyes and followed him wherever he wanted. Lucifer’s free hand found a door handle. Sam entered a new room after him. Lucifer closed it after him and gently pinned him against the wall next to the door.

“Is this okay, instead of punching you?” Lucifer asked as he pressed against Sam’s pants.  
“Better, in fact.”  
“You sure you want it?”  
“I need it.” Sam confirmed.  
“Could you lie to me, please? Tell me you love me.” Lucifer asked him as he fumbled to find Sam’s belt and unbuckled it.  
“Why?” Sam asked.  
“Because I need to hear it from someone tonight.”

Lucifer unbuttoned Sam’s pants and unzipped them. He tugged at them, and they dropped to his ankles.

“Tell me to stop.” Lucifer asked him.  
“Make me feel alive.” Sam pleaded him instead.

Lucifer pulled at Sam’s underwear and Sam put his hand behind Lucifer’s head to make him look at him. Blue eyes asked for permission once more, or to be stopped, Sam couldn’t tell.    


“Lucifer.”  
“Yes?”  
“We don’t really know each other, we just met earlier today, but since that moment you became important to me.”

Sam refused to lie to him but in the same time he would have told him anything for him to stop talking and do something. Lucifer dropped to his knees anyway.

Sam held his breath as Lucifer took him in his mouth. He looked right in front of him. There was a big cross on the wall. They were in a chapel. Sam laughed.


	6. Bargaining

They were seated on the floor, back to the wall, they leaned on each other, Sam had pulled his pants back on and they were looking at the cross on the wall.

“Do you regret it?” Lucifer asked.  
“No. Are you mad at me because I didn’t say what you wanted to hear?”  
“No. We should never lie about that, you’re right.”  
“Do you regret it?” Sam asked in turn.  
“No.” Lucifer answered after a moment.  
“Thank you.”  
“All the pleasure was mine.”  
“I’m not sure about that.” Sam giggled.

Lucifer gently hit his arm in reward for that.

“I gonna find some water. You want some?”  
“Yes, please.” Sam didn’t realise he was so thirsty before.

Nor did he realised how hungry he was. After Lucifer came out of the chapel, Sam thought about what had just happened and he couldn’t repress a laughter, thinking a guy named Lucifer gave him a blow job in a chapel. Sam talked directly to the cross.

“Right back at ya. I hope you had your holy eyes opened wide, because I don’t feel ashamed for one minute for what happened here. I almost find it ironic. How many times will you test me again, hm? Was it not enough you took my mother before I had the chance to remember her? Was it not enough you took my father when we only started to understand each other? You want to take Dean away from me now? No. I won’t tolerate it. You give me my brother back. I defended you all my life. I had faith. I was convinced you were here to protect me and to guide me. Who do you think you are to make me suffer this much? What did I do to deserve it? When will it be my turn to live happiness, hm? When? So now, you stop your crap and you start to give me. First, you’re gonna give me my brother back. And then, you’re gonna start giving me good things because you already gave me more than my share of bad ones. I’m waiting... What are you gonna give me, now?” Sam commanded.

Naturally the cross didn’t answer anything. It stayed perfectly still and inanimate.

“Sam?”

Lucifer was in the door frame. Sam hadn’t heard him open the door again. He handed him a bottle of water and Sam smiled about the symbol he could have seen in that gesture.

When they left the chapel, a nurse came their way and told Lucifer they were ready and they were waiting for him to say when he wanted to go. They were ready to prepare Hel for surgery the minute he would give his go. Lucifer looked at Sam.

“You go now. And you do not worry. I’m sure everything is gonna be fine.” Sam told him.  
“I gave you my number. You do call me tomorrow.” Lucifer insisted. Sam promised he would.

Lucifer followed the nurse and Sam was left alone. He stayed a moment watching over Dean from the other end of the glass doors. When Sam saw the sun began to raise, he looked at it through the window. He squinted his eyes and took a deep breath. The worst night he ever lived was finally over. Watching the birth of the new day, Sam smiled sadly to the realisation the sun was bringing hope with him in his heart, just like he promised to Lucifer. He wondered if Lucifer was alright and how long the procedure would last.

He wanted a coffee. He had no idea where he could find one elsewhere but in the waiting room he had spent so much time. Sam was sure he could draw it in his every detail from memory so much time had he spent in there. The exact number of seats, every scratch on the floor, the exact range of color the vending machine was, were carved in his memory.  He backtracked the way they had come here and found the waiting room again easily by himself. On his way, he saluted the woman on the front desk. She was not the same as yesterday. She smiled at him and asked him if she could inform him. He shook his head and walked to the waiting room nearby. How ironic was that she wanted to tell him things now, while he had waited in fear all night long, without a single soul to tell him how his brother was doing?

The waiting room wasn’t empty. There was a man looking at the vending machine intensely. So much that Sam was not sure he was seeing it, in fact. He apologized  to make him move on the side and free the way to the coffee. He put a coin in the machine, then pushed a button and coffee dripped into a paper cup. Sam sipped on it. It tasted perfectly horrible, but the heat of the black beverage was all he needed.

“You want something to drink, Gabriel?” Sam asked earning a questioning look from the man.  
“Do we know each other?”  
“No, but I got to know Lucifer last night. You know he loves her, don’t you?”  
“What?” Gabriel asked confused.  
“Lucifer, you know he cares for her? He is completely scared of loosing her. And most of all... You. He thinks you’re angry with him. He thinks you hold it against him that Hel is linked to him. But he presents you as her father, not himself. I just wanted you to know that. He sees her as his niece, not his daughter.”  
“He told you about that.”  
“He doesn’t want to take your place as Hel’s father or in your wife’s heart or I don’t know what you think he wants. He just wants to be part of your family. You and Hel are all that matter to him.”  
“Yeah, let me guess, and Kali too.”  
“You do know, he doesn’t like women that way, don’t you?”  
“Who are you?” Gabriel asked Sam.

Sam had to think for a moment. What gave him the right to speak to Gabriel of intimate questions of his life like that? Nothing. But Sam was glad he did it anyway.

“I’m just the guy Lucifer wrecked the car off on his way to this hospital, yesterday.” Sam answered.


	7. Acceptance

Someone shook his arm gently. Sam moved and almost fell from the chairs he was laying on. He had fallen asleep. His cup of coffee was still on the floor, all but cold now. He looked around him, his back ached and his neck was rigid, he groaned in discomfort. A nurse offered him a soft smile, patiently waiting for him to get back into a seated position.

“He asks to see you.” She said.

At first, Sam only looked at her without understanding, blinking in confusion. But when his brain finally processed the idea she implied, Sam stood up in a jump and took the nurse in a tight hug. People Sam didn’t realize were in the room before looked at them surprised. Sam couldn’t care less. He thanked her, his heart full of relief. She answered she was for nothing in it, she was not part of the night shift but it was not what Sam meant anyway. She was the first to give him good news and he was thankful for it. She lead him to a room where Dean was resting. He looked horrible, he had dark circles under the eyes, a cut on the forehead, perfusions that stuck in his arm, bruises all over the skin Sam could see, bandages covering his chest where sutures would leave a nasty and big scar, and a cast on a leg. But over all of that, Dean had open eyes and a smile on his mouth.

Sam took a deep breath. It was like he had been in apnea since the phone call he received yesterday to tell him Dean was brought to the hospital and now he was able to breathe again. Dean told a bad joke, Sam laughed too much at it. It was not good but Dean was speaking and as far as Sam was concerned, it was all that mattered. He rushed to the bed, he wanted to hold his brother in his arms, hug him and never let him go. But to be honest, he had no idea how to touch him without hurting him or getting in the way of the machines Dean was connected to to survey his vitals. Sam resumed to take Dean’s hand in his and kissed his brother’s temple. He pressed his head on that little expense of hair and focused on giving as much love as he could like that. Dean accepted the awkward hug and squeezed Sam’s hand tight. This time, they had been close to lose each other. The only thought of it was frightening and painful.

After a moment, Dean felt tired and dizzy. Sam let him rest and sat in a big and comfortable chair next to his bed. Dean complained about Sam watching over him while he slept. He said it was creepy. But it was more on principle than anything because he fell asleep in no time anyway. Sam wanted to watch over him but the tiredness took over and he fell asleep too.

When he woke up, Dean was still sleeping and beautifully breathing, steady and strong. Sam took his phone from his jacket’s pocket to look at the hour. The battery was too low to support a phone call so he sent a text.

[Dean is good. He is resting now but he woke up this morning.]

Less than five minutes later, Sam’s phone buzzed with a text too.

[Room 407.]

Sam looked at Dean. He was likely not to wake up soon. He found a piece of paper and a pen in the drawer next to the bed and wrote down a note for him he put against a glass of water Dean had served himself, but didn’t drink. Then, Sam silently left the room to search for number 407.

He found it not far away. There were indistinct chatters on the other side of the door. Sam knocked and passed his head in the room.

“Hi. I just wanted to know how you are. Am I interrupting something?”  
“Sam. Come on in.” Lucifer’s low voice was filled with joy.  
“How are you feeling?” Sam asked as he walked to the bed. He tilted his head to greet Gabriel seated next to Lucifer in the same big chair Sam napped in in Dean’s room.  
“I am not allowed to move for now but I feel perfectly alright. I can move my feet and all.” Lucifer informed him with a smile.  
“And how is Hel?”  
“Hopefully, she will get well soon now. The doctors want to make a full deal of tests on her but she is doing alright. She is trying to persuade her mother she feels not weak anymore as we speak.” Gabriel answered before he said he was going to leave them alone and go back to his daughter’s room.

Gabriel left and Lucifer asked Sam about Dean.

“What a hell of a night.”  
“As you say.” Sam agreed.  
“Did you speak with my brother at some point?” Lucifer asked out of the blue.  
“I found him by our vending machine.” Sam admitted. When he heard himself saying “our” it made him smile. Lucifer and him spent so much time together last time, they shared so much, they had a spot of their own now. “Why?”  
“Because this morning, this phone rang.” Lucifer pointed to the room’s phone. “It was Hel on the other end of the line, thanking me for what I did for her last night. So, I tell the kid, of course, I wasn’t gonna let my favourite and only niece down when she needed me. And you know what she answered me?”

Sam shook his head. Lucifer continued his speech.

“She told me she just had a very important conversation with her parents. The kind you could think would wait after what she came through yesterday, but also couldn’t wait either because it had been avoided for too long. She said her parents wanted to tell her something important and it was a good thing she was laying on a bed with the strict order to not move because other way she could have made a hell of a fall hearing that.”  
“They told her.”  
“Yes and I love that she is so dramatic. She is so much like Gabriel when she makes a scene. Anyway, she told me she had no clue before this morning and she needed a little time to get used to the idea that I was her biological father. So, I tell her, it didn’t change a thing. But she begged to differ. And after that, you know what she said?”  
“What?” Sam asked genuinely interested.  
“She called me ‘dad’.”  
“How did you react to that?”  
“I cried.” Lucifer admitted dead serious, looking Sam straight in the eyes.  
“In that case, I’m happy for you. And I don’t regret calling Gabriel on his shit a night he must have lived through his worst nightmares.”  
“After that, I have to admit that I was a little bit scared about what would be my brother’s reaction. But here he comes to my hospital room and makes fun of my face and feeds me muffins like nothing happened.”  
“You have great communication skills in your family.” Sam giggled.  
“That’s what I think too. Thank you, Sam.”

They casually chatted for a moment before Sam had to go back to Dean’s room.

“So, this is a goodbye?” Sam asked.  
“You have my phone number. You could use it eventually.” Lucifer said.  
"I will.” Sam promised.  
“You better do so. I remind you we have some paperwork to do together because someone didn’t respect a fucking stop sign.” 

It took a moment for Sam to understand what Lucifer was talking about. It felt so long ago after all that happened last night.

“There is no such a thing as a stop sign on this intersection.” Sam answered.  
“I tell you what. If there is one, as I know there is, you invite me for a date. If I’m wrong, it’s me who will ask you out. What do you say?” Lucifer proposed looking at Sam with a grin.

It was a win or win deal. Sam did not to hesitate very long before he answered “I’d say yes.”


End file.
